yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
