so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
