if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
