I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
