I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
