gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my liver is dry heaving
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
