They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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