i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
