Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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