So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
