I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
