i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize