After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
