I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
