I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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