ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
