Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
