who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
