a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
