Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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