I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
True strength comes from lack of pants
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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