I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
