hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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