Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
