i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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