well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
