i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
