There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
