I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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