I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
