bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize