I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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