the day after is always just damage control
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They have beer where we have blood.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
