you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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