I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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