Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everything about him screamed your future.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
