she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
