Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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