from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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