I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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