if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
