never play flip cup with pint glasses
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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