so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
