It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
