Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
