the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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