i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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