he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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