I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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