I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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