I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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