This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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