I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
