I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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