Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
is it fun? or sober?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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