just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
