i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
