Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
