I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
