Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
