he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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