...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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