3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize