P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
