just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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