kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
