There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
