i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
