It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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