my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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