I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i came on her dog
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
