Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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