cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
